Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder Funny Getting Old
Some jokes for you that I started on another forum
Q. Where would you find a Dog with no legs?
A. Where you left it!!!!!
Q. Whats round and nasty?
A. A vicious Circle!!!!!
What do you call a dog with no tounge?....
Smelly Baws!!
...What's French, breadlike and makes you cringe?
A petty pun.
A man fell into the sofa factory's upholstery machine.
The good news is that he's fully re-covered.
Where do kangaroos go foe new glasses?
To the hopticians.
Why should you never fight an octopus?
Because they're usually well armed.
There's been a hole found in a wall surrounding a nudist colony. Police are looking into it!
There's been a break in at Armitage Shanks toilet factory. Police have nothing to go on.
Q. What do george micheal and a pair of wellington boots have in common?
A. They both get sucked off in bogs!!
Q. What do you call a castrated judge?
A. Justice prick!!
Two nuns riding thier bikes down a road
one says" Ive never come this way before"
other says"neither have I it must be the cobbles"
Clues:
1. If a strapless bra is an upper decker flopper stopper
2. if a normal bra is an over shoulder boulder holder
3. If a jock strap is a lower decker knacker jacker
And
4.a guilded toilet roll is called a super dooper pooper scooper
QUESTION:
What do you call an alcholic japenese soldier whose father suffers from dysentry?
.ANSWER
A saki happy jappy with a crappy happy pappy!!
What's blue and doesn't fit any more?
A dead epileptic.
Q. Why arnt there any asprin in the jungle
A. coz the parrots eat um all
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive... '
What's square and blue?
An orange in disguise
Bloke walks into a doctors with a frog on his head
"my god how long have you had that?" asked the doctor
"well it started as a lump on my foot" replied the frog
Guy goes to see the doctor;
"What seems to be the problem?" the Dr asks
"I've got a steering wheel attached to my knob!"
"And?"
"Well, it's driving me nuts
Q. what is the height of trust?
A. two cannibals doing a 69 !!
Q.what do you call a dog with no legs?
A. woodbine cos you take it out for a drag!!
Little girl walks into her parents room late one night and starts screaming
"JESUS CHRIST AND YOU TWO WANT TO SEND ME TO A SHRINK COS I SUCK MY THUMB!!!"
Q.Whats a Jewish dilemma?
A.Half price pork chops
What's pink and slimy, and weighs 2 tons?
An inside-out elephant
Q.three tomatoes walking through the desert which one is the cowboy?
A. none of them they are all redskins !!
two deaf women on a train as it stops at a station,
"is this wembly?"
"no its thursday"
"so am i lets go for a drink"
Englishman,irishman and a welshman walk into a doctors surgery,the doctor looks up and says,
"is this some sort of joke?"
Whats Brown and Sticky????
A stick!
Why did the baby biscuit cry//
'cos his mum had been a wafer too long!
Did you hear about the man who got electrocuted in a bakers shop....He stood on a bun and the currant ran up his leg
What goes 99...bonk 99...bonk
A centipede with a wooden leg
What do you call a man with no legs?
A low-down Bum!
Whats Yellow and Stupid?
Thick Custard
Whats pink and wrinkled and hangs out your underpants?
Your Mum
Whats green and hard?
Frog with a flicknife
What goes oooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo?
A cow with no lips
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
'cause if it walked, it'll get mugged
Guess who I bumped into in specsavers, Today?
Everyone
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
Whats the last thing that goes through a Fly's mind when it hits a car wind screen?
His Arse
What is ET short for?
'Cause He got no legs
What do you do if you see a Spaceman?
Park in it,Man
How do you make a Cat go Woof?
Cover it in petrol and set it alight
what do you call a lesbian with a long tongue?
Well hung!!
Did you hear about the irish version of the S.A.S?
They broke into dublin zoo and shot all the gorillas and freed all the osteriches!!
Source: http://www.ultravox.org.uk/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/15283/Corny_jokes_-_but_funny
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